Lorraina Bobbit was driving down the street, and these two stoners were driving right behind her. She threw out her boyfriend's penis out the car window and it hit the stoner's windshield.

One stoner looked at the other and said, "Man! Did you see the dick on that bug?"

There once was a man from Madras, Who had a big bong made of glass, He took a big rip, then grew really hip, And he blew the smoke out of his ass.

A light weight will say, "Take me home I'm stoned." An everyday toker will say, "Take me home I'm ripped. A stoner would say, "Take me stoned, I'm home." And the other person would reply, "Me stoned I'm too."

Stoner's dictionary:

Bong: N. A smoking device that when used correctly goes, "gurgle, gurgle, gurgle."

Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Doobie.

Doobie who?

Doobie a favor and pass the joint.

Stash

This guy buys some really good stuff. He comes home, rolls a good-sized joint, and then starts to decide where to hide the rest of the pot in his room.

"O.K. I'll hide it under the table," he says to himself. So he hides it under the table. Then he thinks for aminute. "Wait! If the cops come, they'll ask me:"

'Do you have any marijuana?'

'No.'

'Do you have it under the table?'

'.............'

"And I'll be fucked up. Well, I'll hide it under the bed." . . . Then he thinks for a minute. "No,
wait! If the cops come, they'll ask me:"

Do you have marijuana?'

'No.'

'Do you have it under the table?'

'No.'

'Do you have it under the bed?'

'..............'

"And I'll be fucked up. Well, then, I'll hide it on the bookshelf... But wait! If the cops come, they'll ask  me:"

'Do you have marijuana?'

'No.'

'Do you have it under the table?'

'No.'

'Do you have it under the bed?'

'No.'

'Do you have it. . . '

. . . "OH FUCK !!! WHERE DID I HIDE IT??......"