This is the tale of Young Freddie Hawes
Whose sexual equipment got jammed in some doors.
By the time they had freed him he didn't feel well  For his poor private
parts were mangled to hell.

They rushed him to hospital, the ambulance flew
But when they arrived, there was nowt' they could do.
Poor old Fred, condemned without choice
To a life without sex and a high squeaky voice.
Then some bright spark invented a tool made of brass 'Though the batteries would have to be kept up his arse.
So feeling much better and after a rest
Fred decided to put his new tool to the test.

...So finding a girl the nearest one handy
He supplied her with drink to make her feel randy
With a cry of delight she put her hand in Fred's flies  When she felt what was there gave a cry of surprise!

"That's my bionic chopper, now let's have some fun"  "Cor blimey!" she said "It feels more like a gun"
They both stripped off quick and Fred entered her fast Then he turned up the speed knob and gave her full blast.

All of a sudden they started to choke
As the air in the room became filled with green smoke
With a bang Fred's left bollock shot up in the air
The other went bonkerty bonk down the stair.
So back to the hospital, Fred full of woe
Was this how his sex life was destined to go?
To return to the doctor at the end of each shag
Prick in his pocket, balls in a bag.

But they fixed up poor Fred
Made him manly again and they pulled out the batteries and used a flex to the main.
So now if Fred can't get a girl, he doesn't cry
'Cos he's now one of them and can go with a guy!!